Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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