I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
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I stole so many things from the ER last night.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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