Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
