whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
What did we do last night that was yellow?
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
