apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
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I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
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Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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