I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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