Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I wish i was in the wii world.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
