walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
smell my finger.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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