tonight lets celebrate not being married
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
