my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
