All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
