did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Randomize
