I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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