you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Randomize