May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
God I need to hump something, right now.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
