As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
