he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
