Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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