We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
