I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
