turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Randomize
