Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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