Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Randomize
