Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Randomize
