I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Randomize
