Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
