so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
she smelled like a LAN party
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
