dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
