The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
