just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
