i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
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wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
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he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
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