Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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