Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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