Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Randomize
