I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Randomize
