Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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