i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
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