all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
