Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
