his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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