You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Randomize
