Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Randomize
