I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
