Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
