It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
