i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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