Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
