Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
