I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
