i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
