I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
