The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
