you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Help me help you realize you are a moron
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
