YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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