i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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