so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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