I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
