i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
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