but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
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So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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