please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
