My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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