i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Randomize
