i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize
