At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I have feelings that need drinking.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
