obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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