Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
