so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
