i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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