I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
