So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Randomize
