imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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