never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
