Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
