you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
