hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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