hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
