you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
