fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
