Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
