Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
