do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
